I think that one of the hardest things for me to accept about life is that the time we have on this earth is finite and we don’t have the time to do everything that we want to do. As mentioned in my last post, my interests are varied. Very varied. And as such I go through phases where I feel like I don’t spend nearly enough time on any given thing to make doing them feel fulfilling or satisfying. I think as time goes on I lean more toward the realization that I must pick and choose the things I spend time on. I need to slowly pair down the things that I do and choose the most meaningful ones.
In theory that should be easy enough to do. But in practice, it is anything but. The feelings that the act of cutting back makes me feel surprises me. Part of me feels like I’m letting down a former version of myself. I feel guilty for giving up on dreams that I’ve outgrown, or were never dreams to begin with. And another part of me feels regret for wasting money and time on the notion of things that never panned out.
But there’s the rub. All that is in the past. People grow. Interests change. And dreams die. There’s no sense in holding on to a shadow of something that you once thought would make you feel happy and satisfied when they no longer do. And even if I AM still interested in certain things, it doesn’t mean I need to continue investing more precious time and effort on them than I already do.
I think distinguishing between things that are hobbies and things that I really want to do helps immensely. And knowing that even though I may feel these things now, it will pass. I should feel grateful knowing that everything that has happened in the past, all the time I spent on things I once thought would mean more, has lead me to realize just where I’m going and where I truly want to be.